Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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