You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
