Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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