I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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