So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
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Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
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I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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