just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
