He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Operation Purity has been aborted
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
