New low: just hacked my moms facebook
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
