hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Randomize
