I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
