shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
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This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
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Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
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