its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
i already hear my dad disowning me
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
