i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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