i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
i think my mom watched the whole time
dude i'm inner monologue high
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
