I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
