dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
4 words: hood of his car
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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