If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
