My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
