My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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