No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
