If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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