Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
