She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
