I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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