return my video game
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
