How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Everything about him screamed your future.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator