dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.