I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Randomize
