that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?