i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
yeah, it was that bad.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
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Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
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Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?