God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
29 People Confess The Worst Example Of Dirty Talk They’ve Ever Heard
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
21 Women Compare Anal and Vaginal Sex
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I am naked and annoyed.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.