Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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