everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Is Oprah even human
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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