So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
