You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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