You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
