Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Randomize
