When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
We are two peas in an std pod
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
