worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
