I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I want to stick my p in your. b.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
