I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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