have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
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