I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I think i got beer on your cat.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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