My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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