today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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