failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
