Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
