my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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