I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
