It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
