I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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