my sisters under your porch take her home
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Two words: blizzard sex
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
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