I look better un-naked...
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
