I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
