i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
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Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
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I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
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