It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
last night I used snow as a chaser
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
