I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
