she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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