i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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