Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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