omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
