shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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