Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
