Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
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