i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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