My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize