SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Randomize
