I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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