well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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