Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
My liver just had a heart attack.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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