Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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