Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
