so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
he thought i was a dude.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
