Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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