He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
