I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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