I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
