im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
