Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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